On Friendships with Theophilus Adeyinka

So Endy (a colleague) sent me a list of questions asking me for my opinion on Friendships. I don’t know how best to begin but I’ve selected some things which reflect my philosophy. I hope you enjoy them.

What’s your number 1 friendship rule?

My number 1 friendship rule is loyalty. I dive headlong into friendships and commit genuinely without any strings attached. I root completely for my friends and never feel threatened by their progress.

So, I naturally expect a similar measure of goodwill too. Loyalty is standing up for me even when I’m not there, giving constructive feedback, confronting me directly when necessary, and supporting whatever initiative I venture into. Cos I would do all of these for you.

How did your childhood friendships affect the way you view friendships?

I think our view of friendships stems from how we are raised. I grew up sharing the thrill of a few disobediences with my friends, and the pain of the punishment when we are caught. We laughed through it too.

From playing CD games to football to table tennis, and risking our lives for mangoes, to cooking contributions and lying our asses off for spare cash, it was fun. There was a genuine camaraderie that I find lacking today maybe because of adulthood, responsibilities, small rooms in tall fences, and lots of travelling.

Do you find it difficult to build friendships as an adult?

Only a little. I think everyone already has a circle of influence within which they are comfortable and expanding that is a conscious investment of time and energy. I meet new people all the time, and flow very well with them, but never really could invest that time/resources to grow that.

Maintaining existing friendships is easy, but building new ones is a little demanding; unless we’re bound by some shared interest and a common goal.

How has technology helped your respective friendships?

I was a little ill recently and admitted to a hospital. But on one of those days, I spent around 5 hours on a WhatsApp call with some friends; each busy with their stuff but we teased for hours on end. So yeah, connectivity platforms like WhatsApp have been very helpful.

Do you believe in work families?

Yes, I do. Because I’ve seen environments like these. I am an emotional being and could never wrap my head around sayings like: your co-workers are not your friends, and so on. Me think, considering the level of daily involvement at work, it doesn’t have to be crazy there. And many small, technology companies are doing a fantastic job at bonding.

I also think it should be an aspirational thing for team leads and managers in corporate environments to make their space friendly. Express dissatisfactions, give feedback, call out flaws, but through it all, be human. Extend warmth too.

Ultimately, friendship for me, works when participants feel understood and when you enjoy an amazing level of freedom with each other.

I pick the people in my circle for their unique traits — of brilliance and excellence, of cheerfulness, of poise, eloquence, beautiful braids, sincerity, potential, initiative, and laughter.

Some I admire for the things I want to build myself; some I’m free with and naturally gravitate towards.

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Do you enjoy this article? I would love to connect with you.